Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen Movie Review By William Pauley III 
It has been 96 hours, 12 minutes and 24 seconds since I first watched Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen, the giant [and I do mean GIANT] pile of fresh, steaming space feces that director Michael Bay has attractively decorated with colorful shifting metal scraps, and the stench is still stinging my nostrils. I have taken this time to sort out exactly what it is I am going to say about the film in this review, as the rants I have made to friends and family seem to go on for hours and only bring up more inconsistencies and annoyances with the film and its terrible, mind-numbing and uninteresting plot. So, as to not ramble on in a thesis-length splurge, I have decided to focus only on the most bizarre and truly puzzling defects. However, first I feel I should provide a little of the back-story. Transformers are alien robots from the planet Cybertron. These Transformers disguise themselves on our planet as vehicles and can alternate between their two forms at will. There are good Transformers, the Autobots, and bad Transformers, The Decepticons. The Decepticons are led by Megatron, a bulky conglomeration of space metal. Megatron has been searching for all-powerful All Spark to fuel his empire and where of all places does he find it? Earth, of course! Soon after the Deceptions infest our planet, the Autobots follow, bringing their ancient space war to major global cities like Los Angeles, Tokyo, and Cairo, Egypt. Now in this latest and hopefully [although not probably] final installment, Megatron meets up with his master on Cybertron, named The Fallen, and is instructed to go and rid the Earth of the final remaining Prime, Optimus Prime, as The Fallen can only be destroyed by a Prime. What follows is a massive ball of huge explosions, fast car chases and visual detail-lacking transformations (unlike the first film where the transformations were truly remarkable and amazing to see). First, I have to say that I feel that there are too many new Transformers introduced in this film. I can tell you the name of 4 of the new characters, of which around 20 or so were introduced. New bots are thrown into viewers faces, with little or no character development, and disappear just as fast as they had appeared. Another problem I found with the film, and possibly the most bothersome of all, is the fact that they bring back characters that were popular from the first film, but do not have any real relevance to the events that are circling around this sequel. Characters like Sam Witwicky, Mikaela Banes and Agent Simmons are strung together with one lousy and desperate storyline: Sam is now having seizures that reveal to him secret ancient symbols that reveal the location of the Sun Harvester, a machine that was built by ancient Transformers to suck the energy from stars to create Energon cubes. The Decepticons are so desperate for Sam's knowledge that The Fallen broadcasts on global TV that they want all humans to search for and hand over Sam to him. But then comes in Agent Simmons, who has apparently been spreading these symbols out over the internet for years in hopes that he can find out what they mean, and he explains to Sam that the symbols he has been seeing have been discovered all over the world including outside of The Great Pyramid in Egypt [which is where, yep, you guessed it, the Sun Harvester is located]. Anyone who has paid attention to the film's plot will then notice that if these symbols are all over the Earth then why would they need to get the information from Sam? Why wouldn't they just find the symbols? Or better yet, just find the government files for these symbols and their exact locations? Also, I would like to point out, for all the parents out there who plan to take their young children out to see this movie: there is a significant amount of language in this film when compared to the first film. Many of the characters have developed a potty mouth; even Optimus slips in a 'punkass'. I wouldn't even call the foul language mild, I'd say it is a tad higher than mild. Just a warning. Personally, I was disappointed in all of the cussing in this film, not because I despise cursing [anyone who has ever read any of my books is laughing now - trust me], but because it wasn't like this in the first film. I feel that when you make a film series, the series should be consistent and the characters should be consistent and the characters' manner of speaking should be consistent. Among this sea of irresponsible filmmaking, there was one thing I found myself enjoying. Just one. Being a fan of the 80's cartoon, I missed the scoffing and unforgiving beatings that Megatron would lay into Starscream, and of course, Starscream's constant betrayal in effort to get Megatron killed so that he can take over as the leader of the Decepticons. This was something that I missed dearly from the first film, but was included in here in ROTF. But, alas this small detail is not enough to cover the putrid stench of the rest of the film. So who is to blame for this wretched atrocity? None other than Mr. Michael Bay, famous for the massive amounts of movie trash under his belt, including Armageddon, Bad Boys/Bay Boys II and Pearl Harbor. In short, Michael Bay is to film as chocolate is to canines. And since the film raked in a staggering 108 million in its opening weekend, I am sure that they will be making Transformers films until the day I die. All we can hope for now is that the Transformers remake 15 years from now will be done correctly. Let's keep our fingers crossed! Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - Trailer |
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